


From the Journals of Maija Surana, Accidental Warden

by Th3_Morrigan



Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Journal, Warden POV, mild swearing, more tags to be added later, occassional violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-08
Updated: 2017-11-08
Packaged: 2019-01-30 22:44:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12662961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Th3_Morrigan/pseuds/Th3_Morrigan
Summary: The stories of the first elven Warden Commander of Ferelden told of a powerful mage who was loved by all, who, at an early age, surpassed her peers in the Circle and rose to become the fearsome legendary killer of darkspawn. In reality, not much was known about Maija, the elf mage from Kinloch Hold, until her journals were discovered in the basements of Vigil's Keep some  years later.THIS IS A WORK IN PROGRESS!  I'm working on revisions to these first  chapters because I wasn't entirely happy with these ones.  I will be revamping the whole thing so please check back from time to time for updates.20180201: Chapter 1 has been redone.  Enjoy!





	From the Journals of Maija Surana, Accidental Warden

**Author's Note:**

> I scribbled most of this while playing DAO, mostly frustrated with the dialogue choices. Also, I really just wanted a chance to try portray the Warden as a normal person, making normal person decisions, having normal person feelings and reactions. I also chose an elf mage because, hey, double the struggle right? I try to keep to canon, but obviously there will be deviations. They are slight now but I cannot speak for future chapters. We'll see how it goes from here.
> 
> As of now this is a work in progress so bear with me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Maker, no." I was repeating it like a mantra in my head. I was not ready.
> 
> -Warden Commander Maija Surana upon being called forth for her Harrowing

_14th, Drakonis_

 

_I thought they were done with the teasing years ago. I  thought I had graduated from knife-ears to wallflower, but it seems they’re starting the harassment once again.  They even got some of the younger girls to join them.  I don’t know what I did to catch their attention this time.  Even poor Jowan's being teased.  "Elf-lover", they call him, and none of the others will talk to him. I told him, not for the first time, that he didn’t have to hang out with me if he didn’t want to, but he still does.  It's good to know I have at least one friend in the world._

 

_We were at our usual spot in the library yesterday, near the section of Qunari lore. I do love that part of the library because it's quiet and secluded, and nobody ever reads those books so we practically have the area to ourselves. Granted a Templar's recently been stationed near there, but I'd rather have him over those vile girls.  At least we can study in peace._

 

_Yes, study.  There's a rumor going around that there will be a Harrowing in a few days.  I'm not really looking forward to it but I don’t want to be caught off guard if I get called._

 

 

_15th, Drakonis_

 

_Jowan was asking me why I was taking their teasing like it was nothing. He said I shouldn’t have to put up with it.  Yes, I agree, but what can I do? It's not like I can rally my fellow Circle elves with me and stage a protest at Irving's door.  There's only five of us: Senior Enchanter Klaus, who I doubt would have time for such petty grievances, Aldan the Tranquil who could really care less about what others think about him, and two of the new kids who don't even have a clue yet what they're doing here.  Those are my elven allies.  It's pathetic.  I did try to tell First Enchanter about it but he just said he would "look into it". Whatever that means._

 

_I  told Jowan it would be nice to practice my fireballs on those girls, but even that seems like it won't come to pass, not even accidentally. Knight-Commander Greagoir has petitioned Denerim to permanently suspend offensive use of magic (aka combat training) following the incident last week. The order for suspension will come any day now, I'm sure. I feel sorry for Marcus, poor bastard.  In my opinion it was Senior Enchanter Erin's fault.   Everyone could see Marcus wasn't ready.  He had trouble controlling his fire energy.  I don't know why she didn't see it._

 

_Anyway, I asked Jowan if he had any bright ideas on how to handle the girls.  He looked like he was going to say something , but didn't.   I feel like he's hiding something from me.  If I know Jowan, he probably stole some ale from the kitchen again and thinks I'm going to tell on him!  If he shares, perhaps I won't._

 

 

_16th, Drakonis_

 

_They're not even trying to hide it anymore! Anna, the girl from Highever bellowed "You can't sit here slave girl!" in the mess hall at breakfast.  I wasn't even at their table but the one next to them.  Helen, one of the younger ones harped in, "I don't want any knife-ears near me," as if I was some sort of disease she could catch._

 

_I don’t know where Jowan was.  He wasn't at breakfast yesterday either, so I had to endure the ordeal alone. I wouldn't have minded it but they were being loud and, of course, everyone was  pointing and staring. I had never been so humiliated in all my life._

 

_What a sorry sight I must have been for the Templar standing on watch by my table to offer a kind word.  "Hang in there,"  he said from behind his helm. Kindness from a Templar! That was definitely new._

 

_Where are you, Jowan?_

 

 

_17th, Drakonis_

 

_I have finally found out why the girls have renewed their hostility towards me._

 

_I had thought it was because First Enchanter had been using me as a glowing example of a good apprentice of late.  How very wrong I was. Though his attention is indeed helping to fuel the fire, the real reason for their ire seems a bit too petty._

 

_Jowan had heard the girls talking yesterday.  It seems that they have had an eye out for that Templar, Cullen, since he came to the tower. Apparently they had been trying to get him to notice them, but he hasn’t._

 

_Then Jowan smiled at me and said, "They're mad because he's been following you around."_

 

_I called him a lying bastard. I had seen no such thing.  There hasn't been any Templar at my heels at all. He just laughed._

 

_We made our way to our usual study area at the rear of the library, and to my surprise, Jowan nods in greeting to the usual Templar standing guard._

 

_"Hi, Cullen!" He said, "How've you been?"_

 

_"It's been good," came the muffled reply  from behind the  helm. It was the same Templar from the mess hall yesterday.  His voice was unmistakable._

 

_"This is my friend, Maija, by the way," Jowan said. I froze. I could see Cullen had the same reaction. He was lucky enough to have a helm to hide behind. He stammered a reply and I just nodded. Damn Jowan for putting me on the spot like that._

 

_Suffice to say I hadn't retained anything from the hour I spent studying there. Cullen seemed fidgety as well.  Jowan was grinning at me the whole time. If looks could kill he would have been dead a hundred times over._

 

_Jowan needs to be slapped. Really hard.  With a giant tome._

 

 

_18th, Drakonis_

 

_I had chosen a table away from the walls at breakfast today.  Surprisingly, Jowan was there so I took the chance to grill him about that Templar._

 

_He said Cullen had been asking about me ever since he got stationed to the library and saw us studying there. Jowan assumed at first it was because Cullen had probably never seen an elf up close before._

 

_Jowan got suspicious when the Templar started asking personal questions, such if he and I were special friends and all that. Jowan caught on really quick, and the Templar finally admitted that he had a crush on me. I swear this is surreal and… ~~excit~~ not good at all._

 

_Jowan seemed to be surprised that I was angry about it. "Don't you want this?" he said, "Your own personal Templar bodyguard!"_

 

_"That's exactly the problem. He's a bloody Templar!" I said. " It's forbidden! Templars aren't supposed to fall in love with mages.  They're our wards! They're here to protect us and the people."_

 

_Jowan scoffed. "As if it's never happened before."_

 

_Sure I've heard stories, and they were nice and romantic love-conquers-all stories, but they never really ended happily. Perhaps I'm being too idealistic or whatever. I just know a mage and a Templar can't fall in love. They shouldn't._

 

_Jowan needs to discourage him. For my sake as well as for his._

 

 

_?, Drakonis_

 

_I have no idea what day it is. I woke up just moments ago in my bunk at the dormitory. No one else was around. By the sound of the Chant drifting faintly from down the hall, it's sometime around midday._

 

_Now voices out in the hallway._

 

_"Is she alright? Is she awake?" One of the younger girls._

 

_"What, are you best friends now?" That was definitely Anna, sounding very irritated._

 

_"I was just curious. The Templar Cullen said it was the quickest, cleanest Harrowing he'd ever seen."_

 

_Anna scoffed and said something in a low, menacing voice. They were moving away from the door so I didn't get to hear any more._

 

_And now I remember._

 

_I was at the library on the 19th. Jowan was nowhere to be seen gain (where does he go off to?) Thankfully, Cullen wasn't there so I grabbed the opportunity to sit and be alone and read. Shortly after, a helmed Templar arrived. At first I thought it was him, but he spoke. It wasn't Cullen's voice. It was an older man. I think his name was Robert._

 

_"Maija Surana," he said too loud for the silence of the library, "Come with me."_

 

_I remember everyone at the library staring at us as we made our way out. My first thought was that I was being called to Irving's office, probably to be reprimanded about Cullen. The First Enchanter had a way of knowing things. It was uncanny and eerie._

 

_When we came to his office doors, however, the Templar kept walking, straight to the last door at the end of the hall. I remember stopping, realizing where he was headed. I felt frozen to the spot. "Maker, no." I was repeating it like a mantra in my head. He was taking me to the Harrowing chamber. I was not ready._

 

_I remember he turned to me, hand going to the hilt of his sword. "Come this way." He said more forcefully. A warning._

 

_I followed._

 

_The Harrowing Chamber was cold and dark despite it being early afternoon. About a dozen Templars in full armor stood around the room, all still as statues. First Enchanter and the Knight-Commander were in the middle. They beckoned me to join them._

 

_Irving smiled at me reassuringly, and went on to give a speech about the Harrowing. It was meant to inspire, and for a moment I was, until the Knight-Commander cut him short and told him to just get on with it already. Irving frowned at him.  Greagoir frowned back. They were like two grumpy old men arguing about the weather. I would have found it a bit funny and endearing had I not been scared shitless._

 

_I remember stepping up to the bowl if lyrium set on the pedestal. I remember taking my first draught. It tasted like mint mixed with a very strong alcohol, like the clear spirits Jowan frequently stole from the kitchens. It was both hot and cold as it went down my throat. I felt the light... Then I was in the Fade._

 

_I don't remember much of the Fade, or perhaps my mind chooses not to remember. All I recall was it was like a very, very bad dream. I remember my journey to have been more about a test of will  and of wit than of magic, a test of the mind and not of mana. Whatever they made us believe the Harrowing was, it wasn't. I'm just glad to be alive._

 

 

_22, Drakonis_

 

_I woke up on the 20th. Jowan said I had been gone the whole night and nobody noticed when they brought me back to the dormitory. They have said they weren't expecting me to be back until the next night, if I ever came back at all._

 

_I spent most of that morning in bed. The trip to the Fade coupled with my first taste of lyrium left me feeling a little sick. Jowan kept me company, but he kept pestering me about my Harrowing that fifteen minutes later I was wishing he would just go away. I didn't want to talk about it.  Even if I did, I was not permitted to.  Jowan knew that well enough._

 

_Afternoon was more peaceful. Jowan and the others had lessons and I had the dorm to myself.  That was until I heard a knock on the door. It was more of a gesture of politeness since the massive doors were open anyway. There was Templar. He was without his helm and started to approach._

 

_He asked how I was doing.  I recognized his voice and realized it was Cullen. It was the first time I saw him without his helmet on. Now I understood why the girls were fawning over him.  He was handsome enough._

 

_He smiled when I said I was doing better. He congratulated me on my Harrowing and blushed slightly before admitting that he was tasked to deliver the killing blow had I failed. "I didn't know if I could do it." he said sheepishly. "I'm just glad I didn't have to and that it was over quickly."  I thanked him for being there to make sure everyone was safe. He blushed even more before clearing his throat and announcing that Irving wished to see me in his study if I was well enough to go. I told him I'd be there in a while and he took his leave._

 

_That was certainly unexpected. He seems nice._ ~~_He would be worth getting to know_ ~~ _but remember, he's still a Templar._

 

_Irving was not alone in his study when I arrived. Knight-Commander Greagoir was there, as well as another man in armor who I didn't recognize. They were arguing about sending more mages to serve in King Cailan's war. I heard about the war. There were rumors that the enemy were darkspawn.  I was sure that was impossible because weren't they wiped out during the last Blight centuries ago?_

 

_The visitor stopped them when he noticed me, and Greagoir left in a huff._

 

 _Irving introduced his guest as Warden-commander Duncan. I couldn't believe it. An actual Grey Warden in the flesh! I had thought for sure the Wardens were just a myth, or at the very least defunct. And then my blood ran cold. Were the rumors true, then?  The King_ was _fighting darkspawn?_

 

_Before I could ask, Frist Enchanter went on to congratulate me on my successful Harrowing.  He turned to Duncan to tell him proudly that I had the fastest Harrowing he could remember. I was uncomfortable with the praise. I didn't think I rightly deserved it. All I really wanted to do when I got to the Fade was get out. And it wasn't as though I did it all by myself. I had help. From spirits. I don't know if that constitutes as cheating, or worse, failure. That had been plaguing me ever since I woke up. I needed to ask First Enchanter about it, but now wasn't the time._

 

_Irving was telling me that Duncan was at the Circle to find recruits and, that my name was on the shortlist.  I almost choked. Was he mad? I just passed my Harrowing!_

 

_But first things first. "So, it's true? About the darkspawn?" I had to ask._

 

_Duncan and Irving looked at each other, then back at me.  Duncan nodded._

 

_Andraste's tits! What do I know about fighting darkspawn? What do I know about fighting at all? I only ever conjured fireballs in the training hall, and they cancelled combat training because of that one idiot boy and his idiot teacher…_

 

_The shock apparently showed on my face. Irving told me not to stress about it. The tower was safe and my name on the list was merely a recommendation and Duncan would interview me in a day or so.  I had, after all, just passed my Harrowing and deserved a little time off to rest and get myself acquainted to my new quarters._

 

_New quarters! I was moving! That, at least, was good news.  Goodbye nasty shem!_

 

_After our meeting, I escorted Duncan back to the guest quarters as Irving asked.  He said he was looking forward to my interview.  I got as many questions out about the Wardens and darkspawn as I could, but I didn’t learn anything new that I couldn’t get from a book. He seemed very guarded and vague with his answers.  I must admit, it's making me want to get on with the interview now.  Perhaps I should study for it?_

 

_***_

 

_Jowan had been looking for me._

 

_I just came from meeting him at the Chantry. He introduced me to his love, Lily._

 

_His love?! His LOVE!_

 

 _I got angry. ~~I thought he~~   ~~I thought we~~ I thought he was my friend, yet here he was keeping secrets form me.  All those times he wasn't at breakfast or at the library he was apparently spending with _ her _! And what's worse is that she's a sister! A sodding Chantry apprentice!_

 

_I feel so betrayed.  I just can't right now._

 

 

_23, Drakonis_

 

_I admit I had probably overreacted with Jowan yesterday, walking out on him like I did.  I was going over it in my head last night and I realized the reason I was angry was that I had hoped he and I would always be close friends…and eventually something more.  I couldn't see beyond the fact that just because I didn't have any other friends meant that he didn’t either.  I know it's selfish of me.  It still hurts._

 

_I saw him at breakfast today, but he sat at the far end of the room from where we usually sat.  Anna and her friends noticed and made a snide remark as she passed by my table about how Jowan had finally come to his senses. That stung even if it shouldn't have. I left for my quarters right after breakfast. It was moving day for me and I wanted more than ever to leave the apprentice quarters behind._

 

_Now that I've moved upstairs I think I have time to read up on the Wardens and the Fourth Blight.  It wouldn’t hurt to be prepared for Duncan's interview and…_

 

_Andraste's tits.  Lily just walked into the library.  She's heading this way.  I don’t want to do this right now._

 

_***_

 

_Sweet Maker! For once in my life I don’t know what to do._

 

_So Lily found me in the library this morning.  I had no intention of having an argument with her and I was about to say so when she grabbed my arm, pulled me close and whispered, "Please, we need your help."_

 

_I raised an eyebrow.  My help?  There were a dozen retorts ready to fire from my mouth, but she spoke first, quickly, quietly.  "If you care about Jowan, please help.  He's in danger. We might lose him."_

 

 _It was the urgency in her voice that made me follow her to the Chantry where Jowan was waiting_. _I became alarmed at his state. He was pale and visibly shaking. For a moment I forgot that I was upset with the pair of them. "Jowan! What's the matter? What's this all about?" I asked as i slid into the bench beside him. He open his mouth but couldn't seem to speak. He looked at Lily, who was seated behind us, for help._

 

_A single tear ran down her face and she told me how she found some documents on Irving's desk recommending Jowan to be put through the rite of Tranquility._

 

_I laughed. It had to be a lie. Or a very cruel joke they were playing on me._

 

_But Lily had started to cry, tears she desperately tried to contain coming down in a torrent. Jowan buried his face in his hands._

 

_I sobered up. There was a clenching pain in my gut._

 

_But why? I asked, incredulous._

 

_Lily was the one who replied: "He's being accused of practicing blood magic."  Her voice was quiet but it rang in my ears._

 

_"Is it true?" I had blurted out before I could stop myself.  The look that Jowan gave me was scathing._

 

_Lily continued to talk.  Of course it wasn't, but there was no reversing the order. She said they planned to run away.  Together. They had already planned it out. They would slip out the Great Doors when the guards had their rotation. Lily knew where keys that locked the spare boats in the shed were, so getting across the lake was not a problem. The one thing they needed to do before they left was to destroy Jowan's phylactery, and that was where I could help._

 

 _Maker's fucking balls,_ what _?_

_That was insane. I  told them so.  There  was no way that was going to  work. I told them the best thing to do was appeal his case to Irving, not have this insane idea to destroy his phylactery and run away. The consequences alone if they ever got caught._

 

 _"If all you're going to do is lecture me then  just get lost," he finally snarled, then to Lily, he said, "I told you she wouldn't help. She's too_ righteous _." He spat that last word out like it was something sour and unsavory._

 

_That really hurt. I don't want him to get hurt. I don't want him to be Tranquil. But this! This - this crazy plan of theirs - will never work._

 

_I left, just as he wanted. I'm here now, alone, at our table in the library.  Thankfully Cullen isn't here. I don’t know what to do.  On the one hand I don’t want him to become Tranquil, but what he proposes to do is wrong._

 

_Perhaps I can appeal his case to Irving.  Perhaps there is a chance the First Enchanter will hear me out. This apparent favoritism must count for something._

 

 

24th, Drakonis

 

_I wasn't able to sleep at all last night thinking about Jowan and his plan.  I thought things over and over in my head and when morning came I was convinced that the only sane solution was to appeal to the First Enchanter._

 

_So I went there first thing.  I told him everything, how Lily came about the information, how she told Jowan and how they had planned to escape the tower.  I had thought about lying as to how I came about the information of Jowan's Tranquility, for their sake, but this is Irving.  He would know if I lied._

 

_He didn’t seem surprised about Lily and Jowan.  In fact, I got the distinct feeling that he knew about them for a while now.  He said he was disappointed with Lily for disclosing such information, and that it was unfortunate that they had decided to make such plans.  He was not angry.  He seemed thoughtful._

 

_"I'm only here to plead for Jowan," I said when he remained quiet for a time." If you spare him from Tranquility I can convince them to abandon their plans."_

 

_Irving looked  at me sympathetically.  I knew from that one look that there was no hope for Jowan.  I started babbling then, anything I could think of to help change his mind.  I told him that it was Jowan who helped me with my studies, who coached me on how to control my elemental magic, who taught me how to distill the difficult potions…he was a good student and he would never, NEVER resort to blood magic.  I would know.  We were friends._

 

_"Then you don't know your own friend," Irving said. "Do you think these accusations were made lightly? Do you think we would make such recommendations without proof?  Knight-Commander Greagoir is not a frivolous man, and sentencing someone to the rite of Tranquility is not something he would recommend lightly."_

 

_I felt like I was punched in the gut. That was the one word I feared: Proof. Was it  really true then? Was he really capable of such things? I still found it hard to believe._

 

_Irving tried to console me. He said Jowan was lucky to have a friend who cared enough about him.  That didn't make me feel any better. If anything it made me feel worse because I couldn't help him._

 

_I left Irving's office then, feeing more hopeless than before._

 

_Jowan was at breakfast but he didn't sit with me again.  He didn't even look at me when I passed by his table and asked how he was._

 

_Oh, Jowan._

 

_***_

 

_Andraste's bloody knickers!_

 

_I got called to Irving's office sometime after lunch.  I assumed I was to be interviewed by Warden Duncan, but when I arrived the First Enchanter was waiting for me, alone._

 

_He asked me to shut the door, something he rarely did, and I had started to get a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.  Then he said it. "I want you to help them."_

 

_"Help who?" There was only one 'them' he could have meant, but I was having a hard time trying to comprehend exactly what he wanted me to do._

 

_"Help Jowan and Lily get to his phylactery." Irving spoke slowly and clearly, enunciating every word as if I were a slow child._

 

 _It still took a while for it to sink in. He was asking me  - no,_ giving me permission _\- to break the rules. What was going on?_

 

_He said he overheard the Knight-Commander say he might not waste Tranquility on Jowan.  He found out about Lily and surmised Jowan might have corrupted her thoughts.  He means to behead Jowan instead.  "I can't have that," Irving said.  "Blood mage or no, he is still my charge and he doesn't deserve that."_

 

_I was torn.  I break the rules or watch a friend die.  You'd think it would have been easier to go along with it considering the fact that the First Enchanter was actually allowing me to do it, but it wasn't.  It didn't feel right._

 

_I had started to protest.  If we got caught what would become of us? Of me? Irving assured me it wouldn't come to that.  He would do his part to help us escape._

 

 _I had to pinch myself several times to make sure this was happening.  "Why are you doing this?" I asked.  I had to.  I_ needed _to know._

 

_Irving sighed.  It was a deep and tired sigh, one that made me think this was  a battle he had fought many times.  "The Templars are tightening their grip on us and, quite frankly, I've had enough.  Tranquility is bad enough, but death?  And for so petty a reason as love?  I can't… I want to help him, just like you do, but Greagoir is watching me like a hawk, so I need you."_

 

_Irving looked at me hopefully.  It was hard to say no to the First Enchanter.  I was assured, at least, that he was always looking after us._

 

_I'm getting ready to go find Lily and Jowan.  I hope they have a good plan and I hope we all come out of this alive._

 

_Andraste watch over us._

 

 

 

_28th , Drakonis_

 

_It's evening. I'm at our camp somewhere along the Western road. Yes, camp.  I have left Kinloch Hold about two days ago.  In a sense, I'm free of the Circle.  It's been a tiring few days for me, especially with all our travelling. This was the only time I could finally rest and write. I am so weary._

 

 

_And, no, everything did not go well with Jowan's plan. It was a setup and I should be dead by now._

 

_I had agreed to Irving's plan to help Jowan. I found out about what they were going to do and I told Irving.  He helped me get the fire rod we used to open the first door, and he even showed me the plans of the basement and showed me  where to go to reach the phylactery chamber.  But it all ended with the three of us getting caught. They were waiting for us when we exited the vaults. Irving was there with the Knight-Commander and a group of Templar guards. I had never felt so betrayed in all my life._

 

_The Knight-Commander ordered us to be captured. Despite Irving's protests that I was there at his request, I too, was to be detained. The look on Jowan's face when he heard Irving say that. I couldn't look him in the eye. He started screaming at me, calling me a double-crosser, a brown-noser.  He said it was too good to be true that I was actually willing to help them break the law._

 

_Then he attacked me with a lightning bolt. It hit me square in the chest and knocked me to the floor.  I deserved that.  I wanted to explain to him that I too was deceived, but it was hard to breathe and the Templars had started closing in on us._

 

_I lay on the floor, unable to move as they sapped shackles on me.  I watched as they restrained Lily, who was sobbing loudly off to the side, pleading with them to let her go.  Jowan, on the other hand, was resisting.  He turned his ire on the Templars, hurling every manner of insult that he could upon them as he writhed in their grip, trying to free himself._

 

_I saw a Templar coming up to the group trying to restrain him.  He was glowing with magic and I knew he was going to drain Jowan of his mana.  I looked up at Jowan to warn him, but at that moment I saw the flash of the dagger in his hand.  It happened in an instant, but it felt like I was watching it in slow motion. I saw him raise his left arm and expose the flesh.  I saw him mumble a few words, then he slashed himself with the dagger.  I felt the power pulse from Jowan, and I screamed.  There was an explosion, and everything went black._

 

_When I came to, I was on the floor in a cell in the dungeon.  I had never been to the dungeons but the iron bars I could make out in the dim light, and the smell of stale piss on the floor was a dead giveaway._

 

_"I'm glad you’re alright,"  said a voice beyond the bars when I stirred.  It was Irving.  I had not noticed him sitting in the shadows._

 

_My fright and confusion gave way to anger.  I said a lot of bad things to the First Enchanter, and he took it all.  When I was spent he explained that it needed to be done.  He needed to have Lily punished as well, and the only way to do that was to have them caught in the act. He couldn’t stomach that despite her breaking the rules Greagoir was only going to give her a reprimand while Jowan would have his life taken away, especially after the fact that it was Lily who made plans to destroy Jowan's phylactery._

 

_"And now I'm paying for it as well," I said bitterly.  "I hope you got what you wanted."_

 

_He sighed that tired sigh of his. "I did, somewhat. Lily will be sent to Aeonar, but ...Jowan escaped." He paused for a time and looked thoughtful before continuing. "And I promised you I would help you," Irving said.  "Your present quarters are temporary.  They needed to keep their vigil over you for a few days.  Standard procedure. You've been conscripted to the Wardens.  You'll be leaving the Circle  tomorrow."_

 

_And with that, he left me in my cell, more scared and confused than ever._

 

_A few days later, here I am.  Somewhere along the Western road, traveling with Duncan and some of the King's soldiers, free of the Circle but bound to another coterie. I don't know what Irving has gotten me into quite yet, truth be told. Duncan says we're gearing up for battle against the darkspawn. There were already a few Circle mages at the camp. Duncan was hoping to gather more mages during his visit, but got me, a Warden recruit, instead._

 

_And I seemed to be the only Grey Warden recruit in the group. I had asked Duncan about this and he just smiled._

 

_"Bolstering our forces is priority at the moment, but recruiting initiates for the Grey Wardens has always been on my agenda. It's been a slow process but we recruit only the best."_

 

_I raised an eyebrow at him. The best? "You are aware there are more experienced mages than I, some of them have been in battle too," I said, thinking about a Senior Enchanter who fought against blood mages almost 20 years prior when the Circle was overtaken under First Enchanter Remille. "I just passed my Harrowing. I can  barely throw  a fireball."_

 

_He laughed then, but not unkindly. "And that will suffice for now. We do have fellow Warden mages and they can teach you. My main objective for now is to build up the Fereldan Order. There are so few Fereldan Wardens at the moment and we take what we can get."_

 

_"But why me?"_

 

_"Being a Warden takes a certain type of person," he said. "It takes more than just fighting prowess. It takes courage, selflessness. I saw that in you.  You always strive to do the right thing, and that takes courage. I don't know many people who could do that."_

 

_Shit. "I betrayed my only friend and got the love of his life sent to a mage prison.  I hardly think that was the right thing to do."_

 

_"You made the hard decisions, and that's commendable."_

 

_That only raised more questions than providing a reassuring answer, especially considering the last decisions I made got some Templars killed and turned my friend into a fugitive.  So, no, I don't have the slightest idea what I'm doing here, or what's in store for me.  Yes, I am free of the Circle, something a lot of mages can only hope for, but at what price, I wonder?_

 

_All I can do right now is wait and see._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. Feel free to leave comments and suggestions here or on [Tumblr](http://th3morrigan.tumblr.com/)


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